June's tribute to Con

My tribute to Con begins in the 1940s

Con was 3 yrs older than me, so from 1941 when I was born and apart from a few years, we have always lived together under the same roof.
Growing up it was me, Ray and Con – the three youngest in the family we were seldom apart; together we would run to and from school, take the tram to Chinese School, play hopscotch in the street across the road, march along Riddiford St with Marching Teams and Bands when parades were on, and Sunday evenings we would run up the road to where the Salvation Army was playing and emulate the trombones and wonder at the drummers; and there were many races to the park to play.

Con would tell me that when May came back from work at 6pm, the three of us would run to greet her at the tram stop and it would be a fight as to who would hold her hand walking home. Even at music lessons at the convent, three of us attended, under May’s instructions – she said that we should all learn but only pay for one - I think it was Con who got the lessons with two of us listening.

I recall playing cricket across the road – I swung the bat and hit Con hard on the head – she ran back home crying, I was scared but she was all right – there were tears but no angry words – we yelled and played loudly but I can’t ever recall being angry with one another.

Our knees were seldom clean - constantly scabby with running and falling – Con would tell me that Dad always popped her on his lap when there was a fresh fall, clean all the dirt from her knees, then give her a little cake. Con enjoyed little cakes, especially butterfly cakes – it was such a pleasure to me when I made a dozen of them only about 5wks ago – her face lit up when she saw them and said

“ Oh, they look nice” She ate the lot.

In the early 50s May decided Con and I should go to dancing classes with Doris’ children Marie, Rosalie and Stephanie - I don’t know if Con enjoyed those times but we went along with it, dancing in recitals and generally having fun – there are photos of us at a recital and in costume – Con with curly hair and ribbons and a big happy smile. . One of the best parts of those times were the fish and chips we were allowed to buy for tea.

At birthdays and Christmas Con was given nice things – although we were a big family I had always felt that Con was the favoured one. Shirl gave her a basketball at one time, dolls were given of which the most beautiful one was a baby doll strapped in a stroller and given to both of us from Doris. Doris also made the blue organza dress and a pretty bonnet to go with it. Her name was Rosebud and we were delighted – it looked expensive and we were not used to expensive things. Con later on completed the outfit with a knitted white bolero in fuzzy wool – we both enjoyed playing with Rosebud.

Colouring in books and cut out dolls were favourites – Con would neatly and carefully colour in the images then outline them – cards after tea was a must - playing Hollywood to see who was going to wash or dry the dishes or sweep the floor.

Sometimes Con and I stayed with Tom and Rona in Thorndon – just to give May a break – we liked those times because Tom was tailoring then and he used cut out books as design ideas – we were a bit shy of him but he did let us look through the books.

Christmas holidays were spent with Phyllis and Jim at their market garden in Masterton. We had a wonderful time, running freely in the large country spaces and growing strong and healthy with all the good food and sun - it is here that we became very close to Trevor, Beverly and Richard (the baby)

For a short period Con and I went to stay in Auckland with Ina (Anna) and Percy and their children Lindsay and Linda, attending Beresford St School; we didn’t like staying in Auckland so much, Percy was a herbalist and we had to scrub all the little pots made black with the boiling herbs – so we were glad to get back to Wgton.

These were happy childhood years, always surrounded by family, always something to do.

1954 – 1964

The family shifted to Homewood Avenue in Karori. Con was attended Wgton Tech, taking Home Science – she wanted to take commercial but May said H.Sc would be better for girls. Con would have been excellent in secretarial work, she was neat and tidy, had beautiful writing and was willing to learn; however she did well in her clothing, embroidery and foods work – I have a beautiful embroidery sample she did which she was going to throw away – I managed to retrieve and save it.

Her best friend at school was Margaret Gin. Margaret was shocked to hear that her longest and dearest friend had passed on.

Making clothes was a great passion of Con’s – every social or wedding meant a new dress so it was a trip to Macey’s for cloth and James Smiths for patterns and accessories. Con was meticulous with her appearance and had a talent for style and colour. She had thick black shiny hair and would fashion it attractively. Her tiny waist and small frame was the perfect figure for the skirts and blouses which were the fashion of the day – she could never put weight on.

At dances she would excel – being asked for every dance was fun but she was never vain in her prettiness – just quietly confident and a little shy. If she had a favourite she never let on!

When I left school I joined Con at the Zenith –we worked well together, enduring the hard fruit shop work and long hours stoically and without grumbling. We all just accepted that Bill and May were the heads of the family and we were to do as was expected of us, no questioning.

We started going to table tennis together at night – encouraged by Bing, an A grade player who was to be our brother in law. Along with Pam Ng(Body) and Stephanie Wong(Tom) we represented YMCA in the G grade. But we did win the cup at Double Tenth in Auckland in 1961 and I have pictures to prove it!

Con and I went everywhere together – at one time being very adventurous and taking the Rangatira to Picton for an overnight trip – as always, Con attracted the boys, but although she was inwardly pleased she was outwardly shy and reserved. Actually, boys stuff was a bit scary, and we were scared of what May would say.

We were bridesmaids together when Bing married Helen, then Helen left and went to Auckland. I left the shop and went to Dundedin to study so Con was left with Stan and Alan and 1 staff. I think they got on merrily, Con seemed happy working in the city – she always liked the shops and lights and atmosphere.

Con was very houseproud and she would beam with pride when I returned from my scungy flat in Dunedin to the lovely spacious home in Karori

During this time our family of nieces and nephews was growing and she always took great interest in the new babies and toddlers. We also had a succession of cats and dogs – at Newtown we had a green budgie called Dickie Bird and at Karori there was Trixie and Sooty and Grey and Daffy and Friskie – Daffy was brought back to Karori when the shop closed – Con would buy chicken necks for her and cut them up into wee pieces “it keeps her teeth clean” she would say, “ and necks are very cheap” She loved the household cats and dog Friskie – when Helen took Friskie back to Auckland Con pined for her so much that Ray bought another Maltese Terrier just for her, but this one was a boisterous male and it was not liked.

In the 60s she bought her first car, a bright red Zephyr but then changed it for the white Cortina . One of her loves was to drive out to see me and Kirsten (then a baby) in Lower Hutt and later when we moved back into the Karori home she would take us both out for rides.

The Cortina has been kept in pristine condition – everyone admires it – about 5 yrs ago she was followed home by a young lad – he wanted to know if he could buy the car, but Con was very indignant and told him off.

In 1973 we both went to Singapore on holiday – she with a tour group and I with my student friends – but we met up at the hotel and we were both so excited – our first big holiday overseas. A couple of years later Con went on another trip to Canada and taking in Hawaii. She loved the shopping and the bright lights. These were her happy, generous and outgoing years.

I went overseas in 1981 for several months, entrusting Con to oversee Kirsten and finances – I knew everything would be fine, she was very conscientious in everything that was given her to do, whether she liked it or not

When I returned to Wgton the city had changed – demolition all around the city and the old Zenith Building was to go the same way – the family had to look for new jobs – Stan went to Rawleighs, Alan & Fumiko grew bean sprouts and Connie worked for a short time at Write Price in Sth Karori before being headhunted by Peter and Mary Chong for their fruit shop in Karori. Here she was in familiar territory but Connie needed to be busy so she took on a cleaning job at night. She loved the cleaning, she enjoyed working by herself, and regulating her life in her own way. Simple things gave her pleasure, like chips and fritters after work at Mary and Peters before going on to her cleaning job, or picking up bargains at sales or the supermarket – she would bring them back and proudly show them off.

But the cleaning contract was lost and Peter and Mary sold the shop. She saw an Ad for a caregiver at Sprott House, a Retirement Home in Karori – she thought that probably meant buying groceries and things for the elderly and taking it to them – so she started at Sprott and for the next 2 weeks returned home in stunned silence. I didn’t think she would last 2 months but like everything else she overcame the job and stayed a total of 14yrs, winning favour with Sprott management with her reliability, work standard and conscientiousness. She enjoyed especially being in the laundry where she could do things in her own precise way.

Recycling became an addiction – milk containers brought back from Sprott would fill the green bin every week – cans or bottles picked up on her way home would help fill the gaps in the bin.

Going to work became a routine, along with Tuesdays and Wednesdays running the Cortina. Family never saw her because she was always working or out with the car.

But she didn’t lose touch with the family – one day Junko came to visit with baby William – that delighted her “he’s cute as a button” she would frequently say

She and her car were inseparable, she would care for it like a pet. Funnily we never got a picture of Con with her Cortina until about 3 weeks ago when she took it out on Sunday – she was not supposed to drive but it was hard to stop her – Ken took a snap when bringing May back from church and Con was just covering her car – so that was a very opportune moment, thank you Ken.

Over the years when family and friends would ask after Con – I would answer “she’s fine, she enjoys what she does, she’s just busy doing her own things”

Con became her own person – she was very private – didn’t share her thoughts very much – she didn’t want to – the changes in her personality were tiny but over the years the gap became wider.

When she became sick and needed specialist care, it was a shock – Con was strong and wiry, was seldom sick even with a cough.

I asked if she wanted the family to know – she said no, it was her own problem and she wanted to keep it to herself – she didn’t want to worry the family. So for the next 6mths I supported her with Dr and hospital visits, sitting in on the sessions in case she missed some vital information – it was a relatively good picture that was given, one that held hope, but over the months it was obvious that all was not good. Sprott management was very understanding and gave her days and weeks off at a time but eventually a beautiful afternoon tea was given in her honour.

I expected her to rest up, eat and get fatter – but it didn’t happen – she rested more, ate less and got thinner – perhaps both my hope for her and her understanding of what was happening clouded the reality that others could see.

“ I can’t be that bad – there is no pain” she would say

“ yes, no drugs, no treatment – all you have to do is eat and rest” I would say.

We both held onto that hope until Wed 25th June, when it became obvious that hope was being lost.

Right to the end there was no pain – she was right – she always got her own way.

Here are some words from brother Alan - “ I love Connie so much – I find it hard to believe she has gone”

And brother Ray says “ sleep peacefully tonight Con and wake up in Heaven in the morning. One day we will all meet again”

A reading from Revelation 21:4 “ He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”